Yesterday I think was the worst day for me in terms of fatigue; basing how hard it was to get up vs. today. My tentative hope is that I'm on top of the menstrual hill now, inching my way to the other side.
I was able to start functioning a bit sooner rather than later and my overall general fatigue feels less.
Yesterday I didn't want to ride my stationary trainer, but managed to ride for 6 miles. It felt grueling and I was not very excited nor able to put forth much effort. Today I was happy because I felt like I could ride and wanted to ride. Granted I didn't push out any intense climbs, but I did spin very fast a few times. Sweat between my breasts was welcome. I can't lie and say my self-worth didn't kick up a notch.
I'm not entirely sure what will happen with my body today. Thankfully it will be a normal work day with a normal amount of people scheduled. It's not to say it won't be busy, but I feel a bit more capable today than yesterday.
Yesterday was a train wreck, and apparently I looked like crap.
I wasn't hungry but made myself eat; at a few points I just felt like toppling over.
Thankfully I didn't have a grumpy ovary but there were times I had a dull ache within that hurt.
I can say that I was too much for my feminine products yesterday.
I was told originally "Welcome to the real world, that's normal" and I frankly asked "what world did you come from?"
Never when I had a normal period (for there were periods of time I wasn't on birth control) did I have a flow that flow-y. I'm not a waterfall by nature. This is not normal for me nor has it ever been normal for me. My body is adjusting to no additional hormones and the copper IUD can induce heavier flows for a period of time. This would be the reason why I was told to go on the Mirena originally; being a female who gets annoyed with the monthly cycle of womanhood. Now I am experiencing it full-force and then some.
I haven't been an emotional wreck but yesterday I found myself very close to cracking under the weight of my own pressure. People make comments or notice I'm not my usual self; you smooth it over "Oh, we'll say it's a female thing and leave it at that." At one point I spoke to someone whom I know as a person who says what they say with no qualm or worry. By definition I find myself sick of being in a society where people either sugar coat or mask what is going on. I had a moment of unfiltered honesty; and I'm not sure if it really blew up in my face or not. The response wasn't exactly what I was thinking I would get...I suppose I thought being a fellow woman who has been through these sorts of things, there would be some sort of womanly sympathy or understanding.
It was a time where I realized that my unfiltered character was potentially not well-received.
Fuck it. I had no fucks to give.
At one point when I got home, I simply was just so emotionally and physically drained that I did break down and cry. Once that was done with, I felt a bit better and less heavy...sometimes one has to do what they have to do.
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