Bullshit.
For a person who really feels like she needs to be at her optimum potential and have energy to function during her work shift, this fatigue hits like a small army of blah.
I should've figured it would start happening today, being that Travis had to sound extra chipper to get me out of bed. I could've slept until 9 I'm sure...my bike ride was a struggle. Energy zapped quickly and my having to convince myself I can. "You can do this!" To which my body promptly said "Screw you!"
I can't complain terribly...I did log 13 miles. That is 3 miles less than normal...and you know what? That's okay.
An interaction with a mom this week had me slightly annoyed. Okay, I must look young and I was working with a younger college student who had her maternity clock kick in when she saw the little redhead toddler. "You just want to have a bunch of redhead yous don't you?"
"YEAH!" she said, with an eager look on her face and a huge smile. I'll admit, the kiddo was cute.
Somehow the mom and I got into discussing kids for some reason or another. I think she jokingly asked if I wanted one. I said "Nope. I'm happy to dote upon my friends' kiddos and I have my cats. Frankly, I can't imagine having a kid with my cats...they would develop complexes."
I got that so-called knowing "mom look" or perhaps a woman who "knows better" and I was promptly told that for most that works for only a period of time. I was reiterated that statement a time or two. I assured the mom that I was perfectly fine with my decision, and had no desire to potentially have kids who didn't turn out a well as me. Another look was given. Long story short, I stated "I have a 10 year lasting IUD that says I'm fine with not having children."
"OOokay." Frankly, it sounded like she thought it was a bit tmi, and I'm sure it was. However, I think it's a bit much to presume just because you had multiple children, means that all other nay-sayers will turn back on their word and open their wombs for life to grow inside.
How can you make someone understand that you really do NOT have some undying maternal instinct? That yeah, you like looking at little baby shoes-but are happy you don't have to foot out money for them? (unless they are a gift).
That you honestly do not want to have anything to do with figuring out childcare or going broke trying to be a stay-at-home mom? That you do NOT mind not worrying about securing a college fund? That you don't have to worry about the real probability that your child would be at higher risk for type 1 diabetes?
There may be some people who turn around and decide that they need to have a baby...that they have something special to pass on. The gifts I have to pass on do not need to be passed down genetically. By being a kindly person and inviting children into my life...to teach them something valuable about themselves and have confidence. I could put forth efforts to assist with helping kids learn how to ride bikes and maybe someday, mountain bike. I could help girls feel better about themselves and who they are, by being a real woman vs. photo-shopped or filled with chemicals and unnecessary implants.
I could help girls establish healthy eating habits vs. falling into a tempting eating disorder.
These are things I can do NOW....without having a child. These are things I can do in the FUTURE without having a child. Having a child does not make me more powerful or assertive, it doesn't make me more believable or lovable.
I understand that I may sound completely full of shit, however, this is how I feel. My life is not validated by what comes out of my uterus. My life is validated by my actions and desire to help people be the best they can be.
