Striking Gold

When you find someone else around your age range that is childfree, it's like you struck a vein of gold. I had a feeling of "Yes. Another person (couple) I can relate to or find some similarity to."
It's not that I do not enjoy my other friends who have children, but I do have a desire to have or keep company of some other like-minded individuals.

I enjoy being around other responsible and loving people who have pets...pet parents, whatever one wants to call 'em. I guess I consider myself a cat mom, and am not afraid to say that...I put a full plate of responsibility in front of me when I take care of my cats.

The closer I get to 30, which is month by month, the more I desire to find a few like-minded individuals to socialize with. I've never been one for "partying" and have always been somewhat nerdy in my interests. I guess I can be immature, but more in a joking sense. I appreciate a good laugh for sure, but also hold my responsibilities as an adult high.

I started over my adult life almost 2 years ago; so this is the first time I've felt like I can actually go out and live a life. I was closeted for a long while, more on my own discomfort of social scenes and personal insecurities of myself. So this socializing stuff is fairly new to me, which makes the excitement of finding someone with similar choices even more sweet.

Body-wise I'm feeling better, but back to my winter slumps. The cold weather makes me apathetic; the warmth of bed and cuddles makes me drowsy and content.
The period actually lasted approx. 7 days, which was not bad at all; just heavier than I typically had. Fatigue was a lot stronger than I had experienced as well. Cramps when I had them were painful, but thankfully it wasn't a continual siege of pain on my body.
I guess I'll see what next month brings.

Progress

Yesterday I felt pretty darn good, however, I feel like a bloated cow.
I did have salted cashews, but darn it all they tasted good.

I woke up this early morning due to my cat, Cordie, playing with the blinds again. I realized I needed to go to the bathroom. As soon as I was up and laid back down; cramps. Okay, come on....cramps? Really? I couldn't fall back to sleep right away.

So we'll see. I'm feeling (overall) better, but more cramptacular today.

.........
Fast Forward to Thursday

I can't say I won't be fatigued today, but overall I feel better. I woke up pretty early and mostly stayed up, I can't deny myself a warm snuggle in a cave of blankety goodness.
I'm not going to push myself on my trainer ride today, I'm going to have to learn how to be a bit more accepting and gentle with myself.

Blissful joy tomorrow....a massage.

Surviving the Exhaustion.

Yesterday I think was the worst day for me in terms of fatigue; basing how hard it was to get up vs. today. My tentative hope is that I'm on top of the menstrual hill now, inching my way to the other side.
I was able to start functioning a bit sooner rather than later and my overall general fatigue feels less.

Yesterday I didn't want to ride my stationary trainer, but managed to ride for 6 miles. It felt grueling and I was not very excited nor able to put forth much effort. Today I was happy because I felt like I could ride and wanted to ride. Granted I didn't push out any intense climbs, but I did spin very fast a few times. Sweat between my breasts was welcome. I can't lie and say my self-worth didn't kick up a notch.

I'm not entirely sure what will happen with my body today. Thankfully it will be a normal work day with a normal amount of people scheduled. It's not to say it won't be busy, but I feel a bit more capable today than yesterday.

Yesterday was a train wreck, and apparently I looked like crap.
I wasn't hungry but made myself eat; at a few points I just felt like toppling over.
Thankfully I didn't have a grumpy ovary but there were times I had a dull ache within that hurt.

I can say that I was too much for my feminine products yesterday.
I was told originally "Welcome to the real world, that's normal" and I frankly asked "what world did you come from?"
Never when I had a normal period (for there were periods of time I wasn't on birth control) did I have a flow that flow-y. I'm not a waterfall by nature. This is not normal for me nor has it ever been normal for me. My body is adjusting to no additional hormones and the copper IUD can induce heavier flows for a period of time. This would be the reason why I was told to go on the Mirena originally; being a female who gets annoyed with the monthly cycle of womanhood. Now I am experiencing it full-force and then some.

I haven't been an emotional wreck but yesterday I found myself very close to cracking under the weight of my own pressure. People make comments or notice I'm not my usual self; you smooth it over "Oh, we'll say it's a female thing and leave it at that." At one point I spoke to someone whom I know as a person who says what they say with no qualm or worry. By definition I find myself sick of being in a society where people either sugar coat or mask what is going on. I had a moment of unfiltered honesty; and I'm not sure if it really blew up in my face or not. The response wasn't exactly what I was thinking I would get...I suppose I thought being a fellow woman who has been through these sorts of things, there would be some sort of womanly sympathy or understanding.
It was a time where I realized that my unfiltered character was potentially not well-received.
Fuck it. I had no fucks to give.

At one point when I got home, I simply was just so emotionally and physically drained that I did break down and cry. Once that was done with, I felt a bit better and less heavy...sometimes one has to do what they have to do.

The Siege.

I'll admit, with a slight amount of shame, that I hoped that I would have a somewhat amazingly simple experience.
I guess I kinda figured, I paid some dues with my un-routine IUD removal; my body felt better without the Mirena almost instantly. Maybe my period wouldn't be so....terrible.

Friday was a surprise and I ultimately resigned myself to acceptance. There was a ...lack of output. I thought "maybe this is it?"
Saturday wasn't exciting at all. I thought perhaps I lucked out.
Nope.
My dreams of romping friskiness were smudged out, more or less because I realized that I didn't feel up for it.

Damn.

Sunday.
Sunday reared an ugly head; I ate breakfast. My stomach was bare and hungry and the traditional Sunday breakfast foods were really good. I felt a bit wiped out and there was an underlying ache within my womb.
I made sure I had coffee to take with me to work, for whatever reason, I felt it was needed.
I got to work, finding that my legs felt like sludge. No pep to be found, I figured I would just do my best.

It's like I have a veil hanging over me. Translucent but powerful. I'm not very emotional, I just have no energy to exert.
I would periodically have a pain, very localized and I believe it is the location of my left ovary. It would catch my breath sometimes and I would try and massage it. Otherwise, if I was checking out groceries, brace myself against my register so I would put pressure on that side.
I felt like my ovary decided to expel 5 years worth of eggs.
Ibuprofen wasn't helping much.
I can't describe how it feels in my cervical area. It feels like it's been kinda rubbed on the inside. It's an ache; dull and annoying. The sharp ovary pain is unacceptable.

I spent most of the day thinking "this is ridiculous...nothing is happening." Until the one time I went to the bathroom and it looked like murder.
"Oh."
I was emotionless...I didn't know what to think other than..."Great."

More ibuprofen.
My workday starts at 12 on Sunday and lasts until perhaps 7:30 p.m. depending on how fast everyone gets out.
It was a long day, food was becoming increasingly unappealing, and I took too much ibuprofen and got sick to my stomach. Damnit.
I got a bag of chips, hoping that the Honey Dijon flavor would wake up my taste buds and make me interested in eating supper later. I wanted starch.

By the time Travis picked me up, I felt spent.

Waking up this morning was a chore that took a lot longer than normal. I feel very fatigued in my head/eyes, and the downside of this whole venture is that snow is in the forecast today.
We are also tight in terms of cashiers today.
I'm going to get my ass handed to me on a silver platter complete with a knife and fork.

No rest for the weary.
No being "gentle" with myself.
My motto today is "get the fuck through it."

I was told by another person who has the Paragard IUD that her first 2 periods were doozies.

I haven't had a normal period for almost 5 years, so this is obviously a shock to my system. Also, no hormones are included with this. Overall it's not the most terrible thing in the world, but it's definitely not comfortable nor am I very excited over it.

I was expecting this never-ending waterfall, it seems that bathroom breaks are when the majority of "action" happens. I guess I can't complain about that too terribly much.
I suppose you could call it clotty.
Man, I feel sorry for males reading this; well, not really.

At least I'm not a crying heap of emotional fuckedupness.

Update 1/10

So I had my old IUD removed and the new one implanted on 12/17

After the few days, which was more like a week, I recovered and felt a bit more "normal" and less painful. I had taken a break from riding my indoor trainer bike during that time. I had one ride where I went for awhile but ultimately felt I was pushing it at the end.
Then the holidays reared their ugly heads and made my work schedule a bit on the wonky side. I had to go into work early a few days, then the holiday was off, and then back to work. On top of this my partner and I found out we could start moving into our place around Christmas. Needless to say, riding my stationary trainer bike was not in the forefront of my mind.

I was freaked out about sex. I remember the evening where I finally felt like I was ready, but I admit that I had some fear. I worried that it would be uncomfortable for him more than I was worried about it being uncomfortable for me.
Needless to say, I worried for very little; I did ache slightly afterwards, but it wasn't an issue any other time. There were not any issues on his end due to my IUD and that gave me a huge sense of relief.

I had honestly been wondering this week how to time the probability of when I may or may not get my first period. I wasn't sure if it would be counting the days right after the implantation or if it would be figuring out when I ended my bleeding from that, or what. I had no idea, concept, or theory to go off of; I just had a suspicion that it would be happening sooner rather than later.

As with prior experiences with my so-called periods on the Mirena, I had hints that were indicating to me that I would be nearing the time. Last week I found I had very uncomfortable nipples (sorry if this is tmi for some of you, but this is more of an educational, real-life sort of blog.) and found myself thinking "this sucks." I usually don't bother wearing bars to bed, I take my evening hours as a time to just "hang out" and not confine myself. Plus, I'm at home, so who gives a damn?
I started wearing a sports bra to bed, which surprisingly as a friend said once "felt like a Thunder Shirt for humans" and I did find myself feeling pretty cozy.
Eventually my super sensitive nipples took a hike, however, I noticed some food cravings. I did my best to manage them with healthy options, like fruit, vs. allowing myself chocolate. For some reason I crave fish a lot when I'm "pms-ing" as well.
I noticed my trainer rides were alright but I was feeling wiped out and my legs felt sandy before I was half-way finished. That annoyed me a great deal, but I pushed myself regardless.
I started not wanting to wake up right away in the mornings, but forced myself to an upright position and got the day going with some cereal and coffee.

The one thing that I missed from the old times was cramping; I usually cramped a week or so before I would have signs of my impending menses; and after that I would have my so-called period.
I maybe had one cramp-like feeling either late last week or early this week, my libido did not sky-rocket into a ravaging beast, however; I noticed myself becoming a bit more emotional.

Surprisingly I thought my emotions would be worse; thankfully at this point I can say they are manageable and not running away on themselves. I won't lie and say I've been perfect, I just could be a lot worse.

I guesstimated I would probably have my period next week. Surprise surprise I started today; so far it's tolerable and I'm not noticing a whole lot. I am having cramps that should just go fly a kite; so the goal is to keep ahead of them with ibuprofen and perhaps even break out the heating pad.

I'm not sure what to expect; I told a friend of mine I worried that I'd pass a clot the size of a baby. I was told that would be an exaggeration and that wouldn't happen. I figured, but I couldn't help but poke fun at the uncertain future of my "new beginning."

So we'll see if my cycle ends up being a pain in the ass or very manageable. I'm guessing I'll manage either way, but I won't lie and say I'm hoping for the best.