would dictate that the week I will seem to regularly have a period will always be the week of Valentine's Day.
I'll admit, this week I've actually loathed being a woman here and there. Not only am I struggling with a chronic fatigue that has zapped my energy and has made me look like a sad sack of crap; I'm having to deal with the whole "being a woman" and Valentine's Day.
I am actually wishing right now for a nap, but I know that resting my eyes would be pretty much futile and not give me the energy I need to go about my workday. I'm not used to having this massive low. I'm hopeful that someday when my "output" regulates that this low will not be as bad.
Last month I had two very heavy days, I'm not sure what is going on this month. Yesterday was ridiculous, and not to mention it was busy. I kinda felt like an oven timer, all of a sudden I just knew that things had reached capacity. I would look around, my eyes feeling somewhat deer-in-headlight and gauge whether or not I could speedily run to the back.
I've noticed a lack of painful cramps this go-round, but my lower back has been massively achy every day. Almost worse than painful cramps because of the consistency and lack of relief. It just wears you down like an emery board does to your fingernail.
I actually woke up to find myself in bed alone this morning. I had no awareness of time, all I could do was assume that I hadn't completely passed out-that Travis was in the shower and it wasn't actually late morning. (Thankfully, that proved to be right and I felt a bit better about myself and the situation.)
I have found I have limited energy to exert on my morning bike ride, but have the highest hopes possible of biking on Saturday and not completely bombing.
I do not like being "gentle" with myself, and I have a very low tolerance of being sympathetic with myself. Especially when it's a few days before this so-called auspicious day of love and affection. I, over the years, lost all hope of having that day be even an inkling more special than any other day. Valentine's Day was always a massive disappointment to me in the past. Of course, last year was made to be very special; but I go into the following year with the same feeling that I had for nearly 10 years.
I'm so focused right now on not being a "typical woman".....because with all of the commercials embedding "your woman needs jewelry, chocolate, and all these pretty things" making me out to be this materialistic human being. Then to top it off, I have this body stuff going on that ironically, has actually made me more teary eyed this time....not wanting to let anyone know how tired and hurting I am. Hoping like hell I do not prove to be a "typical menstruating woman."
Eh...it is what it is. Down more coffee and tell myself that I'm going to get through this...because I know very well that I will. I just might look like a raccoon doing so.
At least I can justify dessert after our Valentine's Day supper....and I sure hope it has chocolate. Because like some "typical women" I love me some chocolate.
