"Why are you talking about birth control?"
"Why are you sharing your stories? What good will they do?"
"EW!"
and I'm sure many more comments could be made up surrounding this blog and the topics.
Frankly, I know for a fact I cannot be the only female out there who does not want to physically birth children. I cannot be the only person who doesn't have that driving force to experience life in my womb.
I cannot be the only person selfish enough to want enough money to live comfortable for my needs and buy a house. I cannot be the only person who feels they can give love in a maternal way without having physically born a child.
There are so many other reasons, but my top (so called) selfish reasons are:
I do not want my body to change. I've suffered from an eating disorder and the thought of my body changing rapidly strikes fear in me. I fear that I would turn against the innocent child and put forth all my fears and anxieties on it. A desire to carry would have to outweigh my feelings of fear over my body and not looking the same.
Money. I came from a hardworking farming family who had never enough money most of the time. I grew up very much with hearing money woes and hearing about how dad had to sell cows to pay this bill or that loan. You grow up feeling very much like you are on the precipice of never knowing what will befall you.
There was a time when my ex-husband was out of work due to a broken wrist; I was the only one bringing home a paycheck worth anything. I used a gift card to buy groceries and cat food vs. the stainless steel pots and pans I had coveted. Priorities lay with those I loved vs. my own needs. We squeezed by and he got back to work.
My goal more than anything else has always been to own a home. I have wanted stability for years and a nice home in which I could share with a loved one. I just wanted to find a place to settle, live, work, and stop moving. A place that could provide comfortable consistency and have me feel at peace for once.
I cannot own a home and have a child at the same time; children are a huge investment and one knows this before having them. You have to either be willing to accept the investment that your child is or not. (This is all my opinion) and children are becoming more expensive. College educations are becoming more expensive. So often it seems parents (especially in movies, t.v. shows, and commercials) provide their child with all of the means to get from point a. to point b. and provide education as well.
You can easily look at me and say I'm a selfish woman with no priorities and I'm going against the very nature of my body. I am.
You can look at me and bastardize me for choosing to not have children when so many other women can't.
My friends who have children, I essentially adopt those kids as nieces and nephews. I spread love and joy with some of the simplicity that my uncle did for me when I was a child: share books.
I don't mind being around children, I am not a child hater, I just do not want the responsibility of being a full-time parent.
If everything goes as I want it to in life and I find myself living without fear that my home will crumble around me; I'd perhaps foster. I have adopted cats and see that fostering and adoption are two very important and wonderful ways to make a difference for a child. I'd much rather help one that is needing love and kindness vs. create one. Why must I, as a woman, be pressured to create life?
My body was able to create life at an early age, that knowledge of puberty and what getting a period meant scared the shit out of me. I was ostracized as a kid for having her period.
I respect what my body can do but that doesn't mean I feel it needs to do what evolution says it needs to do. My life is not dependent on how many children I make.
My journey with birth control has been somewhat of a long one that started with the basic pill. I found that my body just did not like taking pills very well.
My ex husband and I for awhile just used condoms, but what fun is that?
Eventually I decided to try an IUD called Mirena and now I have switched to Paragard.
So there you have it. A short summary of myself and my reasons for not wanting children.
I'm hoping to find other persons out there who are intending on being childfree as well.
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