My Not-So Typical Experience

I am not writing this to provide yet another horror story of sorts to the internet. This is a legit experience that ended up not being a typical in and out procedure. I'm not sharing this to freak people out, but unfortunately a non-typical experience can happen to anyone.

My birth control of choice for almost 5 years was the Mirena IUD but due to my seemingly being quite sensitive to any hormone play, have opted to get the Paragard IUD.

For me this is the least bothersome yet fearsome form of birth control I can subject myself to at this point. I was completely not aware of the sensations that would come when one received their first IUD. I was fearful of what I was getting myself into, but wanting to find something that would give me security and protection. 

Having something inserted into your cervix when you have never had a child could potentially be a somewhat traumatizing thing. I know that during and after my having it done, especially the first few days and week, I was very much tormented. I felt like I had violated my body and I have no other way to describe it. The cramping that came with the measuring and insertion of the iud was profound. The dull ache that came from the whole process lasted longer than I wanted. I remember going to work the next day and almost being in tears multiple times that day due to the cramps that occured.

All of this weighed on my mind as I found myself not responding well to the hormonal IUD placed in my body. It seemed that the progressions of pms symptoms were becoming worse I was becoming frustrated with myself. “Screw this!” I said. I want birth control without hormones; I figured that if I have the Paragard for 10 years I’ll be set for either sterilization or perhaps alright with getting another IUD when the time came. People are more liable to listen to someone near 40 vs. 30 anyways.

The weeks before my appointment made dread grow within my gut. I was fighting worry and anxiety over the whole idea of having my body seemingly violated again. I tried to convince myself that this was a feeling I had because the sensation was so foreign to me and my body. Perhaps this time wouldn't be as shocking to my system as I would be more familiar with it.

The day of the appointment came; we arrived at the clinic and I surprisingly got in relatively quickly to see my doctor. 

The general basics of weight and temperature were done and I was given a sheet and was told to get ready. I sat on the table, feeling vulnerable and wishing that I had a caramel at that moment.

When the doctor and nurse came in to begin the removal, I heard the words “I can’t see the strings” and I knew I was in for a procedure that wasn’t going to be typical. They remove the IUD by pulling the strings that hang down outside your cervix. Without the strings there to pull they have to go into the cervix to try and find them. This, if not accomplished easily, may mean that the IUD migrated. 

I was becoming extremely stressed over the ordeal. “We are going to send you over for an ultrasound” and if that showed the IUD in the correct spot then they would try again. If it migrated that meant it would require surgery to remove the offending plastic T from my cervical area.

I’ve never had an ultrasound before, and for as much as it wasn’t terrible it was unpleasant at the same time. Having this tool being pushed into and around my uterus and ovaries certainly didn’t make me feel more comfortable. All was well, the IUD was in place; the strings had just migrated up. Now it was going to be whether or not the strings could be retrieved successfully.

I was directed to another room, more of an in-clinic operating room. I remembered being in a similar room the last time and feeling like I was in some sort of mad scientist’s lair. I got myself as comfortable as possible. I hate how they have a mirror right across the room that you can look into. I do not want to see myself with fear and worry draped across my brow. Nor do I want to see any hint of whatever is going on down there. I looked at myself, fixed my hair, and felt sympathy for the woman who seemed so shaken over this ordeal. Would there be surgery? Any more surprises? I just wanted to get in and out; my 11:30 a.m. appointment was coming well into the 1:30 p.m. time frame.

Yet another nurse came in with the doctor; I was numbed up and they started the procedure of finding the rogue strings. I was starting to breathe as tho I was in labor with my firstborn child. You breathe in and out deeply, trying to maintain a sense of calm and serenity around you. It doesn’t matter that it feels like you are being stretched from the inside out, as tho you will be torn apart in slow motion from the innermost point of your being. I found I could withstand the cramping sensations better, but a higher tolerance meant I allowed more discomfort for myself.

I pushed on the bridge of my nose and tried to take myself to a happy place. All I could do was beg silently in my head “please, please, please find it and get it out.” I’m not a religious person, but I did ask God to please help get this thing out of my body. 

The nurse asked how the pain was, and I was ashamed to admit that on a scale from 1-10 that I felt it was more of a 7. I was told they would give me more numbing medicine and I heard a size of needle. I was petrified. I had no idea if this needle would be poking me in my cervix or just squirting fluid within me. I hate needles and the thought of having more discomfort down there just made me want to cry. (People always give me crap for hating needles when I have tattoos and piercings. I will tell you that having a needle poke you for something you want is much different than something you do not want.)

After I was numbed up I felt a sense of release and hope that I would find it tolerable from here on out. I continued my internal chant “please find it, please find it” and after a few moments I heard my dr. say “tada” in his sweet soothing voice. 

I cried. I cannot lie and say that I didn’t cry because the sense of release from that stress was so overwhelming. From there the rest of the procedure of inserting the Paragard went smoothly. I was told the strings would be left longer as well. Apparently I was my doctor’s first case of having this happen (disappearing strings) and he was apologetic of the whole situation.

Things happen; what happened today was not a very positive situation but it wasn’t the end of the world either. I happened to have luck on my side and the concept of surgery removed from the scenario. I wasn’t as shocked with the sensations this time as I was over 4 years ago; granted my nervousness was higher due to what was at stake. Hopefully this time I’ll have a better experience, let alone 10 years or so of birth control that I do not have to worry about. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon resting for the most part. Feeling like I was a 10 year old again wearing a pad. Ugh. Spotting.

Which slowly starts to turn more period like, which is to be expected. I was on a hormone IUD that suppressed ovulation and such, now to a copper IUD that allows the natural cycle to take course. Not to mention all of the "activity" that went on within me. The numbing medicine wore off slowly and I would find myself having intense cramping. I described it as giving birth to small zombie babies; not sure why I said that, but it felt like it was the right thing to do.

I didn't feel as violated inside my body this time, but I felt like I had encountered a massive amount of emotional stress.
When I went to bed last night, I had a wave of intense emotional feelings crash down on me like a tidal wave. I laid in bed weeping, sobbing, and almost hyperventilating. My legs were shaking and I just couldn't stop shivering and feeling cold and overwhelmed. If I coughed I felt a tiny pang, which made me not want to cough. I simply felt overrun and had to cry it out. The cats wanted to lay on me and I cried more; I didn't want them to touch me. I felt at that moment I was simply just too sensitive and tender to experience anything touching me. 

Eventually I got all of the tears out and went to sleep; then I woke up in the wee morning hours and found that my pad didn't completely do the job it was intended to do. "Man, I feel like I'm a kid again" and made a mental note I would have to buy more supplies. Being on the Mirena I didn't really have full-fledged periods, but I also hadn't had such an invasive experience either. Either way, a shopping list was mentally made in my head and a tampon used to provide me some emotional security. Sleep was had again. Well, after I took more Advil.

I'm not entirely sure what to expect with this IUD for when you read on the internet they are fantastic at providing you with enough horror stories to make you hide under a rock. However, I do almost feel a sense of feeling a bit more normal. Less fluxing even tho it will take awhile for my body to adapt to the new IUD.

The things I do. These are the choices I made.