Friday, December 20, 2013

Day 3

I can say at this point I actually feel a lot better than I did 3 weeks ago, or even two days ago. I feel a bit more what I would call "light" in spirit.
You can Google about anything on IUDs and side effects; Mirena removal stories and the ever-fearsome Mirena Crash. Basically every negative side-effect of the Mirena or post Mirena is documented to strike worry and fear into inquiring minds.

I don't feel as emotional.
I had somewhat of a stressful discussion Wednesday night, but for the first time in a long while I didn't actually cry because I was emotional. I'm not one to admit that crying often times happens; but when I'm particularly emotional or stressed it certainly does. Never to use as leverage; just happens. I didn't.
Not sure if it's because of the Mirena being gone or the fact that I'm still managing myself and at times feeling punky.

I rode my bike to work, by the time I locked up I felt a little uncomfortable.
Work was tedious to me, no amount of Advil could completely make me comfortable. I was disappointed with myself when a couple regular customers noted my difference in personality. Ladies and Gentlemen, they were also men. I kept it short and sweet "It's woman stuff." and one said, "I sympathize."
If I could only explain that it was slightly beyond woman stuff; and my humble hopes that I will not look so damn crippled. I nursed a chocolate bar (and shared) it helped keep me going.

It seems that I may have officially started a period. I can't tell you if it's my normal one (it would be due around this time) or if it's the withdrawal symptoms of not having the Mirena. Either way, cramping seems a little more intensified. Holding myself into a fetal position isn't comfortable and it's how I want to sleep. Not quite warm enough when I lay on my back. I want to hold in coziness, but cannot be cozy when I feel like a butter knife is jabbing me inside.

Dull and achy.

I get a massage today. I can't explain how much I'm looking forward to that.
I get held tonight. I can't tell you how much I'm needing that.

It's funny when women have these mixed feelings/emotions/perceptions over their bodies when they menstruate. I've denied myself that process for almost 5 years; what I did get in terms of periods during those years were often times minimal and non-invasive.
I honestly think my negative feelings associated with it right now are because it seems a bit foreign to me. I've had cramping and such prior, but this is different for the time being. It wears on me mentally and emotionally; exhausts me.
I do not hold hope that I'll have an easy transition, no, I anticipate it'll be interesting with ups and downs. Will it be worth it? I certainly hope so.
Until then, I will sit and drink my coffee in quiet contemplation.

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